sometimes i just suddenly wake up from my sleep in midnight with my whole body soaked in perspiration. this behaviour has become synonymous since the last 3 years 3 months. the last 39 months has been a period of repent and resentment. 39 months back into the past,i still remember that day october 3rd,2004. that day ought to be my most memorable day. whether i had a painful torture or painless serenity on my face,it didnt matter anymore. everything had come to an end. the day october 3rd has etched its place in my memory forever. the anonymous being might have forgotten the date or me, but the lesson i learnt that day might be helpful in the future, but even then i will always have to carry the burden of despair over my shoulders.
darkness slowly crept the horizon of life. everything seemed motionless. the whole world seemed to have been shaded in gray. even today while typing for my blog, i feel some part of me had gone dead/numb on the eve of oct3, even the times could not replenish my lost part. one of the many things the anonymous being's desertion taught me was that one should not take anything for granted, it might be a material thing or a human being. one should understand or give worth to a person's value when he/she is around you rather than repenting after the loss. and there are some serene things the god makes for you, but if you lose that thing of eternity, you have lost it forever. i would like to thank that anonymous being for inculcating in me the moral qualities and making me realise my mistakes.
i know that i have lost you forever, may be oneday you will go through my blog and will be content to see your bodhisatta as a changed human being that you wanted him to be.
